When The Pain of Loss Becomes Too Much To Bear

Mr. Mooshie’s Paw

I donated blood for the first time yesterday. Did you know that only 4% of Canadians do this? That was one of the many facts I learned during my visit.

Donating blood was something that I really wanted to do, almost like a deep yearning from the depths of my heart. You see, a couple of weeks ago, someone I care about deeply needed a blood transfusion and it really struck a chord with me for how grateful we all were to know that this was available. It helped to save his life. 

Synchronicity also played a part in this blood donation as my husband, not even 3 weeks before had mentioned to me that he was going to donate. This would be his 26th time doing so. I thought to myself “it’s time for me to do this too! I want to give back to those who helped so many by donating their blood” and so I booked an appointment with him. The team at Canadian Blood Services were excellent. 

Donating blood felt really good to do and ever since, being a highly sensitive person, I’ve noticed something different within my being. I have found that my emotions are vastly high and I’m processing some internal happenings on a deep, personal level. And this brings me to my message here in this post with the intention of sharing in an empowering and inspirational way.

One year ago, on this very day, I remember Mr. Mooshie being very lethargic. He was undergoing some testing and his time on earth was coming to an end soon. We didn’t know when, but we knew it was coming. On this particular Sunday, he was lying on the end of our bed in the sun sleeping. As I was walking in the hallway and looking in on him, he opened his eyes and looked over to me. I told him how much I loved him and even though he was deaf, I knew he could hear me. He looked right into my eyes and said with his “I’m so tired”. It was a message that was spoken with such intention and I heard him clearly.

We kept him comfortable until we could bring him into his veterinarian doctor who knew him so well on the following day which was Monday. We bundled up our little boy and as my husband Troy drove the car, I sat with Mooshie in the back seat, right next to his carrier. During the 15 minute travel to the clinic, he would look at me and as I put my fingers into the doorway of his carrier, he placed his head against my hand so lovingly, like he was thanking me for being there with him. He was very accepting of this visit and car ride when normally he didn’t like them at all. He knew….he knew….   

While at the clinic, it was determined that he was bleeding internally and that his time to pass with peace was now. We did have the option of giving him a blood transfusion (which is an interesting topic as it ties into how the beginning of this post actually starts), however opted not to as it would only prolong the inevitable. We would have kept him around longer for us and not in the best interest of our little boy. His message was clear, he was ready to go. We said goodbye to our sweet boy as he was gently and lovingly laid to rest. He took his last breath, his pain was over. 

Tomorrow marks the day of the one year anniversary of his passing. All month, I knew the day was coming up, and the emotions associated with it would wax and wane. To process the many thoughts and feelings that would rise to the surface, I chose to just keep going because otherwise it would hurt too much to feel the sadness. So I focused on the positive memories of my sweet boy and would often connect to him in memory and love. I remembered how he lived and not how he died. This helped me very much.

Since giving blood, I’m quite tired and noticed that I am more emotional. It’s almost like my body is going through a regeneration period of renewal. Today I cried like a little girl who had so much grief in her heart. I haven’t done that in a very long time. It was painful to feel but also felt like a huge release, and one that was much needed. I’m really grateful I was able to let that out.

Why am I sharing this with you?

I’m not one to wish for unneeded attention. I’ve always been a quiet person who prefers to lead by example rather than being in the limelight. So my intention for sharing these words with you in this post is not to wish you in feeling sorry for me or gaining unnecessary attention to my “story”. However, I’d rather connect with you heart to heart, letting you know that even though I help people heal from the loss of their pet, that there is power in healing together. Many people look for an expert to help them through trials and tribulations, searching for the answers to their quest. I am not a guru nor do I ever portray to be. I am a human being who loves pets like children. And because of that, it makes us more coherent with one another and I find that positive healing is more plausible this way.

So I thought I would take this “Pain of Loss” and reframe it into some “Lessons of Loss” by sharing some things that you can do if you too might be experiencing pain that feels like it’s too much to bear.

3 Things You Can Do When Feeling The Loss

  1. Start “feeling the healing”
    Pain and loss hurts deeply and for many, it’s just too much. When the pain of loss becomes too much to bear, it’s important to be true to yourself. When you really dig down deep and realize the truth to your healing potential, it’s important to feel the pain so you can then go through it. If you aren’t feeling, you aren’t healing….that’s a very powerful revelation when you understand it’s underlying truth.
  2. Remember that the pain will rear it’s head in other ways if it’s not dealt with
    Sometimes it’s much easier to hide your pain. That way, you don’t need to deal with it, it feels hidden and you can continue on with life. But have you ever done that and found the pain comes through in other ways? Perhaps its through anger and resentment at work or with a family member. Or maybe it’s manifesting through eating too much or not sleeping as well. All of this can take its toll over time. If you were in a car accident and had a broken leg, you would give it attention for healing wouldn’t you? So why wouldn’t you do the same if you have a broken heart? Working with the pain of loss is important, otherwise it may feel buried but in fact really never is.
  3. Repeat to yourself “I heal this loss by being in the present moment”
    We are inundated with hundreds of thousands of stimulus each day. Our world is full of deadlines, news lines, and life happenings. Have you ever woken up in the morning and by nightfall, upon returning to bed for rest ask yourself “Where did this day go?”. Our world has been trained to be in the ”GO GO GO” motion. Whatever happened to taking time out for us? There are 24 hours in each day and no matter what, even if it’s 11:59 pm, 60 seconds still remain before the end of that day in which we can take for ourselves. When we become present, we learn to remain present and become connected to our truth. By repeating this power statement to ourselves “I heal this loss by being in the present moment”, we are giving the gift of healing.

If you are still reading this and have come to the conclusion of this message, thank you for being here. It is my intention with this sharing to empower you genuinely in finding your answer within and also to find it within your own personal power. For it is when you take action steps of mourning, you can truly honour your own unique healing in a remarkable way. 

I find it helpful to get my thoughts out onto paper. Maybe this helps you too or perhaps looking at photos or even simply lighting a beautiful candle can bring you comfort.

Do you have a story you wish to share to take your healing to the next step? I would love to hear your journey so we can continue this healing together.

Warmly and in gratutide,

Marybeth

Marybeth and Mr. Mooshie

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